A Feeling of Fear

I have a fear of success.  I wasn't aware of this fear until I had to send copyedits back to my editor.  Maybe it was when she mentioned that this was my last chance to make my story look like I want it to when published.

DANG!  That's pressure.  I mean, this is it.  I'm sending my baby out into the world, and I'm nervous about the reception.  Hubby said, "All you can do is your best, and you know some people still aren't going to like it."  How very...me, of him.  It's something I would say to him, and you know what?  It might be true, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  (Note to self:  revisit my motivational speeches.  I think some just serve to piss people off rather than pep them up).

Anyway, although I sent the copyedits back, my fear still lingers.  What if I really do suck, and they just needed a warm body and that's why they said yes?  What if it was a fluke, and I can never do it again?  What if I spend waaaay too much time worrying about things I have no control over?  Okay, that last one's true, and I know it.  What I don't know is if this fear will ever go away, no matter how many copyedits I get lucky enough to make it to.

At any rate, all I know is, even with that crazy fear twisting around inside me, I did still send those copyedits back.  I guess the one good thing to come out of this is even though I'm afraid, I can and do face my fears--good outcome or bad (fingers crossed it's good, only good ;0))

Happy Writing!

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

This crazy roller coaster I've been riding lately is crazy climbing again.  I finally completed my very long, very time-consuming school counseling internship, and I got my very first copy edits yesterday.  Good news all around.

Listening and making people feel better is one of my strengths, so a few (100) years ago, I began working toward a Master's degree in school counseling.  Today, I completed that very long process.  My stress isn't over yet though.  I have to pass a comprehensive exam and graduate officially, but it's going to happen, and I never thought I'd make it to this point, so I'm *happy dancing* all over the place.

Furthermore, I opened my e-mail yesterday, and my editor had sent copy edits my way.  Well, let me tell you, I had heard the copy edit version looks more like the published product, and it was so true.  For the first time ever, I saw the title page of my story--the copyright page of my story.  I was giddy with excitement, and I can't wait for the next and the next and the next step in this amazing process.

Now, time to write and write and write on my current WIP.  I should have more time to devote to it--in an ideal world, and all that.

What's your good news?

Happy Writing!

How Thick Is Your Skin?

I finished my edits on Into the Fire and sent them off to my editor.  Wow, I always imagined using those words, but the reality is way better.

Of course, within a day of this mood-elevating event, I received another dreaded rejection for a paranormal story pitch for Harlequin, and drew a relatively realistic conclusion that I didn't place in another contest.  Even with all the good things that have been happening lately, these rejections still hit me hard.  I literally wanted to cry because it brought up all my fears of not being able to make my writing more than a hobby.  I want to make it a career, and I thought I was on a roll.

BUT, something is different.  When I received a rejection before, it took me weeks to recover, to want to write again, but this time I couldn't wait to get back in front of my latest WIP.  What was the difference?  Has my skin grown thicker?  Actually, the truth of what it means to be a career writer hit me.  One acceptance doesn't mean I'll never have to feel the sting of rejection again, but it does mean that a rejection doesn't have nearly the power over me that it used to.

I've written about rejection quite a bit on this blog, mostly because I am early in my career, and I know it will be a concern to me for a long while to come, so that's why I refuse to allow a rejection to keep me from writing.  The true key to a long-term writing presence is not acceptance after acceptance.  It is persistence in the face of rejection.

So is rejection getting you down?  Are you thinking of throwing up your hands and giving up?  What keeps you going?

Happy Writing!