Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Feeling of Fear

I have a fear of success.  I wasn't aware of this fear until I had to send copyedits back to my editor.  Maybe it was when she mentioned that this was my last chance to make my story look like I want it to when published.

DANG!  That's pressure.  I mean, this is it.  I'm sending my baby out into the world, and I'm nervous about the reception.  Hubby said, "All you can do is your best, and you know some people still aren't going to like it."  How very...me, of him.  It's something I would say to him, and you know what?  It might be true, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.  (Note to self:  revisit my motivational speeches.  I think some just serve to piss people off rather than pep them up).

Anyway, although I sent the copyedits back, my fear still lingers.  What if I really do suck, and they just needed a warm body and that's why they said yes?  What if it was a fluke, and I can never do it again?  What if I spend waaaay too much time worrying about things I have no control over?  Okay, that last one's true, and I know it.  What I don't know is if this fear will ever go away, no matter how many copyedits I get lucky enough to make it to.

At any rate, all I know is, even with that crazy fear twisting around inside me, I did still send those copyedits back.  I guess the one good thing to come out of this is even though I'm afraid, I can and do face my fears--good outcome or bad (fingers crossed it's good, only good ;0))

Happy Writing!

2 comments:

  1. Cherie,

    I tend to do the same thing to myself. It's frustrating how the fear of success can paralyze you into not wanting to move forward but once you dig deep down into your inner self and push through, the results are so well worth it. You can do it, girl! Just remember, the editor sees the beauty of your story and just wants to make sure its all 'fined combed'. You know you have great story so tell Mr. Doubt to 'kiss off'.

    HUGS,

    JD :)

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  2. Thanks, JD. I seem to vacillate between "I love this story!" to "Did I really write that?" (Not a good tone with that last one). But one way or another, it's going to be out there now, and I'm okay with that.

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