Monday, October 18, 2010

Husbands Just Don't Understand

Sharkey and I recently had a small tiff due to my previous blog posting involving pictures of one very nice looking man. Understand that I hide nothing from my husband (except a small problem with a stop sign that resulted in a ticket) because I try really hard not to have anything to hide. He knows I read and write romance and that the heroes in said stories are abnormally hot. He is of the opinion that women satisfiy unmet needs with said stories. Unfortunately, he thinks it's a double standard because he would get grief for indulging in pictures of half-naked (or all naked) women.

I took great offense that he didn't see the distinction. I explained that first of all, I didn't want Alex O'Loughlin really. He'd probably be all about himself and his career, and besides physical attraction, I need someone with a sense of humor and a strong sense of responsibility. I chose my husband for very great reasons, and those reasons haven't changed, so he has nothing to worry about in that respect. Second, romance to me isn't even about the sex or the looks. One of my favorite Harlequin Blaze novels featured a hero with a big nose and a bad haircut. To me, the stories are about coming together and creating something new and lasting. Now in most of the stories, it's true that the idea that a regular gal could turn the head of a good-looking guy who just happens to have a great personality too is the dream, but it's not really about the looks, is it?

So if I throw up a picture of a hot guy on the blog occasionally, it doesn't mean that I'm satisfying unmet needs, does it? Is it a double standard? And does it matter if it's a double standard (we've been living with those for centuries)? What do you think?

Just to be clear, we discussed it later when we both could be rational, and I explained about blogs and their postings, and he apologized for overreacting. So it was a short-lived conflict.

Happy writing.

1 comment:

  1. When I first started writing romance, my husband thought it was because something was lacking in our love life for me. Through much discussion, he finally understood that it was because I felt great about our love life that I was able to write romance. I'm a romantic. I love the idea of two people coming together against the odds. Writing romance for me isn't about sex even though I write explicit love scenes. I write what I like to read about, although I've read many great romances where the sex was minimal. But above all, it's about their story.

    I make no apologies for staring at photos of men that I think are good looking. If they've put their bodies on display, it's like looking at artwork. My friend and I were having this very discussion last night. She's a former ballet dancer, and I'm a former gymnast. We both have an appreciation for the human body. When we see a male body in particularly fine form, we appreciate it in part because we both know how hard that individual had to work to look like that, and because well, they're hot. I'm very attracted to athletes. But it's just a picture. Sex is more for me than attraction. There has to be a connection. I love a man with a sense of humor. I want him to do romantic things for me. I don't want someone just because I drool over his picture.

    I don't care if my man looks at pics of half naked women because if I ogle men why can't he ogle women? I won't be a hypocrite. At the end of the day, he's in my bed - not someone else's.